Should we be getting rid of stuff? Why do we keep objects? And why is it so hard – even when you want to declutter – to dispose of certain items?
I’ve been trying to get rid of stuff – to charity shops, friends and family, and to the tip – because we have moved to a smaller house. Friends told me that you must be ruthless, but it’s hard!
Some things are easier than others, but for me the most difficult things were books (even though I’m unlikely to read them again), vinyl LPs and CDs (even though I mainly stream music), personal cards from my husband and children, and shells and stones that remind me of how much I love being in nature.
Memories
This article from the British Psychological Society explains that objects are “a vital receptacle for our memories and identities”.
I read about a man who had kept an incomplete football sticker book in a box in his loft for 56 years but hadn’t looked at it until he moved house recently – when he found it, he decided to complete the collection, so he tracked down and bought the missing sticker and he’s keeping the album:
“It’s a part of my life – it brings back interesting memories,” he says. “My memories are not someone else’s, you know?”.
I discussed this with some friends recently and we concluded that it is the memories the objects represent and the feelings associated with them, that make us want to keep them. Things that remind us of people or events in our lives. If you throw them away, do you lose the memories and part of yourself? When someone dies, their meaningful possessions become family heirlooms, providing a link to the person for those left behind.
Future Self
But maybe it’s not only about memory. I asked AI why we keep things and this was the answer:
Humans keep things primarily because objects serve as extensions of identity, tools for survival, and anchors for memory. We attach emotional weight to belongings to comfort ourselves, signal who we want to be, or soothe a fear of forgetting
One part of this – ‘signal who we want to be’ – suggests that objects can relate to the present and future too. We may use objects to remind us of how we want to live, perhaps to connect to a part of ourselves that we neglect in our busy lives. My family photos fulfil this role for me, reminding to me to make time to connect with family and friends.
Do you have an object that connects you to the person you want to be? Keep it somewhere you can see it so it inspires you!
There’s also a personality difference too related to keeping or disposing of things – some personalities find it easier to get rid of stuff than others. For example, people higher in Big 5 factor of Openness to Experience (NP in MBTI®) tend to keep fewer objects beacuse they are more focussed on the future than on memories; people high in Agreeableness (F in MBTI®) may keep items given to them by others out of guilt or fear of hurting the giver’s feelings. There are other psychological factors too, like decision fatigue – having to constantly make decisions on what to keep or get rid of is tiring.
If you are trying, like me, to declutter, my best advice is to establish some guidelines for what to keep and what to get rid of, and enjoy the process of reliving memories and reflecting on your future self.